THE CHAIN OF COMMAND
Adapted by Cpl (ret) "Durty" Dan Leger

The main difference in the ranks structure.

The General

  1. Leaps tall buildings with a single bound
  2. Is more powerful than a locomotive
  3. Is faster than a speeding bullet
  4. Walks on water
  5. Sits at the right hand of God
Base Commander
  1. Leaps short buildings with a single bound
  2. Is more powerful than a switch engine
  3. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
  4. Walks on water on calm days
  5. Talks to God directly
The Major
  1. Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
  2. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
  3. Is faster than a speeding BB
  4. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
  5. Talks to God through His liaison staff
The Captain
  1. Barely clears a modular tent
  2. Loses tug of war with a locomotive
  3. Can fire a speeding bullet
  4. Swims well
  5. Talks to himself
The Lieutenant
  1. Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings
  2. Is run over by locomotives
  3. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
  4. Treads water
  5. Talks to animals
The RSM (Regimental Sergeant Major)
  1. Climbs walls continually
  2. Rides the rails
  3. Plays Russian Roulette
  4. Walks on thin ice
  5. Prays a lot
The Warrant Officer
  1. Runs into buildings
  2. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
  3. Is not issued ammunition
  4. Can stay afloat with a life jacket
  5. Talks to walls
The Sergeant
  1. Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
  2. Says "Look at the choo-choo"
  3. Wets himself with a water pistol
  4. Plays in mud puddles
  5. Mumbles to himself
The Master Corporal
  1. Lifts buildings and walks under them
  2. Kicks locomotives off the tracks
  3. Catches speeding bullets in her/his teeth and eats them
  4. Freezes water with a single glance
  5. He IS God!

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