NOW THAT I'M A CIVILIAN . . . Adapted by Cpl (ret) "Durty" Dan Leger

After 20 years I am a civillian again. I really didn't think the transition would be more than a small speed bump. However, there have been many significant changes.

• I call my bosses Tom and J.P.

• Kiwi regains its meanings as a flightless bird native to New Zealand.

• I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items, and save loads of time not looking for my head dress (once I realized I don't wear one anymore).

• I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without the grammar police smacking my knuckles.

• Forget to shave? Just tell 'em you're starting your beard that day! Haircut? Ha!

• Can walk to the right side of Tom and J.P. without violating some medieval concept of courtesy.

• Have finally worked "Too easy", Sh*!", and "Fu#@" out of my daily vocabulary.

• Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are considered an essential part of work.

• The ability to run long distances quickly and do many push-ups or sit-ups is not confused for intelligence, leadership potential, or degree of motivation.

• Have determined army green T-shirts and grey wool socks go with nothing in the real world.

• Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got any mud on them.

• Office empty at 5:15 PM. I stay behind because my wife couldn't take the shock of seeing me home before 7:00PM.

• No guards at the entrance to my subdivision.

• I haven't shone a lick of brass since November '99.

• No harassment from people with nothing better to do than worry whether my coat is zipped or not.

• I now consider the phrase "f**kin' civvie" to be derogatory.

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