THE NEW HI TECH ARMY
Adapted by Cpl (ret) "Durty" Dan Leger

The old Army had it's problems, and today's Army has it's own set of problems.

• Every vehicle has "Intel Inside" stenciled on the side.

• The service is renamed "US Army99."

• Tanks play a little tune when you start them up.

• The platoon medic carries Norton Antivirus in his first-aid kit.

• Your gunsights have a Win95 startup screen.

• Every night basic training recruits shout, "Good night, Bill Gates, wherever you are!"

• Bayonets have a laser range finder and barometric pressure gauge.

• Military funerals feature the "21 beep salute" and the "missing file formation."

• Unit guidons are replaced with black-and-white bar codes.

• Crashing a vehicle takes on a whole new meaning.

• Maintenance companies of forward support battalions are replaced by 1-800 service numbers.

• Every platoon's TO&E includes "Programmer, Java, Sun Certified - 1 each."

• Rifles come with a boot disk.

• Soldiers are heard to ask, "How many MEGs you got in your rucksack?"

• Night vision goggles have a screen saver.

• After lasing the target, your anti tank missile asks, "Do you really want to delete this target?"

• Hand grenades require you to put in a password before throwing them.

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