MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
Adapted by Cpl (ret) "Durty" Dan Leger from the original at 2RCR Recce Det, c.1981

Years ago, when I was in the infantry the Recce (Reconnaissance) Section was (while the battalion was in garrison) in charge of graphics arts. We set about to make some sort of humourous poster on the laws of war. What it ended up being was Murphy's Laws of Combat and most of the laws were submitted by the members of the Second Battalion, the Royal Canadian Regiment in 1981. To the best of my knowledge, this is where the original concept was born.

There have been many versions, modifications, and revisions since then. Here is the original, as it was done then. You will notice that there is Canadian military jargon in this version.

Without further introduction . . .

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

4. There is always a way.

5. The easy way is always mined.

6. The constants of combat are:

   • Friendly fire -- isn't.

   • Full auto weapons -- aren't.

   • Self cleaning weapons -- don't.

   • Suppressive fire -- doesn't.

   • Interchangeable parts -- won't.

   • Recoilless rifles - aren't.

7. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo or short on time.

8. No plan survives Initial Contact.

9. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

10. When in doubt, call in artillery.

11. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

12. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together.

13. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
    • when you're ready for them.

    • when you're not ready for them.

14. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.

15. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds

16. The important things are always simple.

17. The simple things are always hard.

18. Official policy should never make sense, it'll only confuse the troops.

19. Artillery only drops short when you are forward of your position.

20. There's a reason why the army puts instructions on all the weapons.

21. You know you've been in the field too long when mess-hall food tastes good.

22. No matter how heavy that extra ammo and radio is that you're humping, it's worth it's weight in gold when you need it.

23. The best thing for morale isn't victory -- it's a shower run.

24. There is no round with YOUR name on it. They are ALL addressed "To Whom It May Concern".

25. Teamwork is essential, it gets the job done and it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

26. Tracers work both ways.

27. Popping smoke only tells the enemy that you're up to something.

28. You're just as likely to get killed by your own troops.

29. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.

30. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.

31. If at first you don't succeed -- wait 'til your tanks move up.

32. The most dangerous thing in the world is a junior Lieutenant with a map and compass.

33. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

34. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

35. The Quartermaster's creed: "We don't have it. If we do have it -- you're not entitled."

36. The Sergeant Major always knows best.

37. The army is the only place in the world where you drive with your lights ON in the daytime, your lights OFF at night and they take your watch AWAY from you when you retire.

38. There are no atheists when the rounds are incoming.

39. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining map sheets.

40. If your attack is going well, you've walked into an ambush.

41. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

42. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Sergeant Major is watching.

43. Pain is your friend, it lets you know you're still alive.

44. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your throwing range.

45. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

46. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

47. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.

48. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

49. Never share a slit trench with anyone braver than yourself.

50. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.

51. Never tell the Warrant Officer you have nothing to do.

52. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.

53. When you have secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

54. Never forget that all of your kit, including your weapon, is made by the lowest bidder.

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