DDALP-EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE -- BY RANK

EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE -- BY RANK
Written (from memory) by Cpl (ret) "Durty" Dan Leger

The military has many unique ways of looking at problems. Many times, even though the personalities traits may be identical, they are always relative, by rank. The system seems to handle each one differently. However, the lower in rank you are, the clearer the problem becomes.

. THE COLONEL THE CAPTAIN THE SERGEANT THE CORPORAL

BAD ATTITUDE Has his own way of doing things Has initiative Often follows his own course Is a discipline problem and never follows orders

UNKEPT APPEARANCE Sets a different standard Requires improvement in dress and deportment Is untidy Is a scruffy bastard

STRANGE DEMEANOR Has a unique perspective Is known to be eccentric Tends to be slightly off track Is a bloody flake

LOW INTELLIGENCE Possess a different way of thinking Has problems with some concepts Is a slow learner Has the I.Q. of a garden slug

DOMESTIC SITUATION Interacts well socially with the fairer gender Has many female friends Has been seen in the company of other women Screws around on his wife

SEXUAL ORIENTATION Loves his men Has an alternative lifestyle Has feminine qualities Is a screaming, prancing fag

SUITABLE PUNISHMENT A slight reprimand may be necessary if this happens again Requires disciplinary action Should be punished Should be thrown in a hole and buried alive

AWOL Has taken an extended leave period Is on personal administration Is not at work today AWOL

RANK IS FILLED BY A WOMAN Has worked hard and made her "sisters" proud Can do the same work as any man at her rank Does well against the challenges her gender must face Is probably a dyke

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.	THE COLONEL	THE CAPTAIN	THE SERGEANT	THE CORPORAL
BAD ATTITUDE	Has his own way of doing things	Has initiative	Often follows his own course	Is a discipline problem and never follows orders
UNKEPT APPEARANCE	Sets a different standard	Requires improvement in dress and deportment	Is untidy	Is a scruffy bastard
STRANGE DEMEANOR	Has a unique perspective	Is known to be eccentric	Tends to be slightly off track	Is a bloody flake
LOW INTELLIGENCE	Possess a different way of thinking	Has problems with some concepts	Is a slow learner	Has the I.Q. of a garden slug
DOMESTIC SITUATION	Interacts well socially with the fairer gender	Has many female friends	Has been seen in the company of other women	Screws around on his wife
SEXUAL ORIENTATION	Loves his men	Has an alternative lifestyle	Has feminine qualities	Is a screaming, prancing fag
SUITABLE PUNISHMENT	A slight reprimand may be necessary if this happens again	Requires disciplinary action	Should be punished	Should be thrown in a hole and buried alive
AWOL	Has taken an extended leave period	Is on personal administration	Is not at work today	AWOL
RANK IS FILLED BY A WOMAN	Has worked hard and made her "sisters" proud	Can do the same work as any man at her rank	Does well against the challenges her gender must face	Is probably a dyke