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CANADIAN JOKES

Here are some typically Canadian Jokes. None of these jokes target race, religion or ethnicity (unless your ethnicity is Canadian).

You are welcome to submit Canadian jokes to this site. Durty Dan reserves the right to exclude any joke.

Please include your e-mail, your municipality and province/territory.

THE JOKES
(Contributed by Durty Dan)

ELEPHANTS

An international symposium on elephants was convened. Every nation in the world was represented and was expected to deliver a report on elephants.

Germany contributed a report: "The Elephant -- A War Machine".

France's report was typically: "The Love LIfe of an Elephant".

America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit".

Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire".

The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian . . .

  "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?".

NEWS REPORT

The worst airline disaster in Canadian history happened this moring when a single passenger plane crashed in a large graveyard.

Rescue workers said there were no survivors and have retrieved 200 bodies so far. That number is expected to climb as digging continues.

NEWS REPORT

A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's Brewing Facility outside of Toronto today. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.

GENESIS, ACCORDING TO CANADIANS

On the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes teeming with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants prosper, and I shall call these inhabitants Canadians. They shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

You know the difference between the American and the Canadian Senate?

In the US, you have to win an election to get in.

In Canada, you have to lose one.

JOKES CONTRIBUTED BY OTHERS

YOU could be FAMOUS! Submit a typically Canadian joke (e-mail link icon at bottom of page). Jokes which are racist, offensive or not particularly funny will be rejected.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Canadian

10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.

8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge frigging shotguns and cover your house in their skins.

7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.

5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?

4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.

2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

1. It beats being an American.

Stolen from Cyber Cheeze

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"

The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

Submitted By: [name witheld on request]

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.

The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about."

The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown."

The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."

The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking."

Stolen from Cyber Cheeze