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THE OFFICIAL CANADIAN REDNECK PAGE

The Canadian Redneck, or coupe rouge, differs from the American variety of the species. This mainly is attributed to environment. Scientists, when comparing the two, find the Canadian variety is a bit more complex than their American counterparts. After a recent study by the Canadian Institute of Redneck Studies, certain perameters have been drawn to determine what exaclty makes the Canadian Redneck distinctly Canadian.

But first, a poem . . .

You might be a Canadian Redneck . . .

. . . if most of your clothing has Canadian beer logos on them.

. . . if you've ever hummed "Bud the Spud".

. . . if you've never realized that most of the lyrics in Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald" don't rhyme.

. . . if most of your wardrobe is plaid (including hats).

. . . if you like the music of Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin' Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie.

. . . if you know who Gordon Lightfoot, Stompin' Tom, or Buffy Sainte Marie are.

. . . if you actually like to wear a toque.

. . . if you have over ten pounds of moose or deer meat in the freezer at all times.

. . . if you mix French and English in the same sentence. (This only applies if you're a Francophone.)

. . . if you've ever been "out and about".

. . . if you "hang out" at Tim Horton's.

. . . if you use the words "friggin'" or "arse" or "friggin' arse" on a regular basis.

. . . if you have a bumper sticker or an article of clothing that says "If you're Canadian, show me your beaver."

. . . if you have a firearm that's been in the family for at least one generation and name it after the person who originally owned it -- "Fetch me Grandad's gun, I'm going hunting, eh."

. . . if you insist that Americans should know more about Canada, despite the fact the only part of America that exists for you is Florida.

. . . if you have Canadian Tire catalogues in your house. (Extra points for any "really old" ones.)

. . . if you find any cartoon beaver funny.

. . . if you own a pot-bellied stove. (Extra points if it's "been in the family" for a while.)

. . . if you only watched "the Beachcombers" to see what Relic was up to.

. . . if you know who Relic is.

. . . if all your recipes are for game meat.

. . . if you've ever used your kitchen to dress/butcher game, make "chow" or pickled beets.

. . . if you had to find out which leaves make good toilet paper, mainly because you can't use a dollar bill any more.

. . . if you've told people you were a "government artist", because you were "drawing" pogey.

. . . if any beer under 6% is considered good only for pouring on your "Shreddies" in the morning.

. . . if your entire French vocabulary was gleaned from cereal boxes.

. . . if you think Don Cherry should be Prime Minister, or better still Minister of Foreign Affairs.

. . . if you know "jacking deer" isn't a sexual innuendo.

. . . if you own an ice auger.

. . . if you have a "good" parka for formal occasions.

. . . if the main source of heat in your house is a wood burning stove.

. . . if you consider Kraft Dinner, ketchup, beer and Crispy Crunch as the four major food groups.

. . . if you shop exclusively at Canadian Tire for Christmas presents.

. . . if you live in a house that has no front step, even though if you went out the front door you'd probably plummit to your death.

. . . if your snowmobile or chainsaw payments have a higher priority than your car payments.

. . . if you think the start of deer season should be a national holiday.

. . . if the trunk of your car has ever doubled as a deep freeze.

. . . if you will only go camping for a maximum of one night because your back pack will only holds one two-four.

. . . if you have more than twenty dollars in Canadian Tire money.

. . . if you still sing the "Great White North" them song with pride "coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo".

. . . if you got pissed when Harold left the Red Green show.

. . . if you always have a mickey of "CC" or "Captain Morgan's Dark" on you.

. . . if you think whoever invented de-alcoholized beer should have been strangled at birth.

. . . if you consider the theme song of Hockey Night In Canada to be Canada's second official National Anthem.

. . . if you found any of this funny.

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