THE PERFECT PLAYER
Why They Can Never Exist

We're getting serious again. I'll try not to to get too boring for you.

I have done my fair share of tactics articles. Most of the Rec-Ball artciels are basic tactics, camouflage, and the like. Recently I received e-mail asking me what are the best tactics in paintball. The writer must have figured I had my stuff wired enough to give him the answer. I hope no one else is disappointed in that fact that I have never written an "Ultimate Tactics" in my wrting career. You know, the kind that will make you the Perfect Player?

There is a reason I did not include any of them. There aren't any.

That's why there is no Perfect Player.

The game has too many permutations, an infinite number of intangible events and far too many things that don't happen the way they should.

Why is it that first time players have been known to wreak havoc? Why is it that experienced players can be eliminated the first two minutes of the game? Why is it that equipment works perfectly on the shooting range, fails during actual play, and then works perfectly on the shooting range?

No one can be the Perfect Player. You can get close to being the Perfect Player, but you will never attain that status. You will be venerated, but you will be worshipped as the NEARLY Perfect Player. Why, you ask. Why oh why will I never achieve such a goal?

It is really quite simple. There is no guarantee any tactics will work all of the time. For that matter, there's no guarantee they will work AT ALL. That's the chance you take when you strap your goggles on, go out onto the field of play, remove your barrel plug and go at the opposition. When that horn blows, I make no guarantees.

Who is to say that there are tactics to make you the Perfect Player? If there were, would you honestly want them? Really? Part of the attraction to the game is the CHALLENGE. It would be fun, for a while, to make every shot count, to never break a ball, to never get hit, to never make stupid mistakes. It is a double-edged sword, my friend. My dad says, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." With no challenge, wouldn't it get boring? Where is the "rush"? Besides, if you're that good, players will avoid you like the plague during a game, and you won't play at all.

That's where the FUN is. Where would the excitement be, what risks would you be taking, if you KNEW in your "heart-of-hearts" that the tactics you were about to employ would be successful?

Granted, there are those techniques and tactics that are more effective than others. Effectiveness does not guarantee success, it just makes the chances a little bit better. That's really what it boils down to, isn't it? Luck. Pure and simple.

However, I'll share a secret with you. (Well, you and the other two people who actually read my stuff.) There IS an Ultimate Tactic.

There IS a way to be the Perfect Player.

This Ultimate Tactic can be used by amateur, novice and pro alike. It can turn the most devastating defeat to sweet victory. It can change an unwinnable situation into victory. It can take the worst paintball experience and change it to your best adventure.

You must take what I give you and memorize it. Always keep it at the forefront of your conscious thought, when you play. It will be your mantra, your focus. It will drive you to be a better player. It will be your path to being the Perfect Player.

Here it is, Durty Dan's Ultimate Paintball Tactic.

Just have fun!


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