Then I ask myself what I would do if I was confronted with such a behaviour? Especially if it was MY hit that the miscreant wiped. This leads me to thinking all sorts of Evil Thoughts. Like hanging him up by the eyelids. Or making him eat mud. Or making him eat his mud encrusted eyelids while hanging by them. I then think (while all that would be satisfying) violence really doesn’t solve anything (it just makes you feel better until the cops show up and arrest you). Wouldn't you know it --the very next time I played I had this guy wipe my hit (and not just once).
This got me to thinking that perhaps there is some pathological behaviour present here because he’s not cheating to win (because no one really gives a rat’s buttocks who wins and who loses). He's not cheating so he can share in Money And Valuable Prizes (because there’s none). I think that this person is just sick in the head and perhaps something happened to him when he was a child. Who knows, someting like the cat licked his face one too many times -- or -- his brother used to cover him in peanut butter and then would throw him into the elephant enclosure at the zoo -- or -- that if his parents were divorced it would be okay because they’d still be cousins.
It occurs to me that this person doesn’t just cheat in paintball. He probably cheats on his taxes and cheats playing board games. He's probably the guy in the office everybody hates because he’s a lazy and no-good-for-nothing-waste-of-skin and everyone has to work around him because. This is, ofcourse, in addition to being useless as a screen door on a submarine.
Then I see where his problem lies and it’s probably because he’s not a very good player and has to make up for the fact that he has never lasted more than five minutes in any game he has played. Somehow wiping a hit, to him, makes up for the fact that (not only is he an abject failure in life) he can’t even play a simple game of paintbal.
Then I start feeling sorry for him but not so sorry that I don’t put another twenty rounds into him for wiping my hit (the cheatin’ cretin). Certainly not so sorry that I don’t start screaming at the tops of my lungs about how he had the unmitigated gall to actually wipe a hit (the cheatin’ cretin). Obviosuly not so sorry that (when we’re in the staging area) I don’t confront him and dare him to deny the fact that he is a lying and deceitful imbecile (the cheatin’ cretin). Especially not so sorry that I don’t let everyone know what he did (the cheating cretin). To make matters worse the toadying bootlickers (he jokingly calls “his team”) start sticking up for him.
I then decide to drop it because I don’t particularly feeling like ramming my boot down someone’s throat and kicking all their guts out their backside at that moment (but I’m hoping my mood will change). His ingratiating brown-nosers sense my boiling caldron of anger and back off. (I’m not sure to this day if it was because of the look on my face -- or -- the tone of my voice -- or -- the fact that I bit my new stainless steel barrel in half).
I told them that this was not place for cheaters because it boils down to one undeniable fact -- that if you want to cheat there is a place for you and it’s called a tournament.
All of the articles in the website "www.DURTYDAN.com" are free to use for webpages, school projects, reference and to promote paintball to players and the non-playing public. Please give
credit where credit is due and (where possible) provide a link back to the www.DURTYDAN.com
website.
© Durty Dan 2000. All rights reserved. All works contained in the website known as "www.DURTYDAN.com" are under copyright of the author Durty Dan. While the Terms of Use are broad they do not include the right to
republish this work in any publication (hardcopy or electronic) for the purposes of personal financial gain.
