I have received this very secret message to the newly formed NWOPPL (New World Order Professional Paintball League) reffing staff. It is not dated, but I feel it is current. I have it from a reliable source that this is not a hoax.
Thanks to Mr X, for sending me this.
TO: All NWOPPL Referee Staff
FROM: NWOPPL Head Office
SUBJECT: Comprehensive Referee Aptitude Program
In order to provide better reffing and officiating services of NWOPPL events, it will be the policy of the NWOPPL Rules Committee that all referees should be trained in the COMPREHENSIVE REFEREE APTITUDE PROGRAM (C.R.A.P.) We are trying to ensure that all our refs are full of C.R.A.P. and they have more C.R.A.P. in their head than any other referee on ANY professional circuit.
Be warned, NWOPPL officials who do not take their C.R.A.P. seriously will be placed in EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.C.R.A.P.) They will be forced to E.A.T.C.R.A.P. until the instructors feel their heads are full of enough C.R.A.P. to qualify them as NWOPPL refs.
If the ref is completely full of C.R.A.P. they will be then eligible to give C.R.A.P. to other refs. We will have established an instructors course, so senior members can pass on their C.R.A.P. to new refs. Those who qualify will be put on the BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.C.R.A.P.). Our very best NWOPPL refs have excelled in B.U.L.L.C.R.A.P.
Those who have enough B.U.L.L.C.R.A.P. to last them for their entire reffing career will get all the C.R.A.P. jobs. They will also be selected for all the C.R.A.P. positions within the NWOPPL. Qualified refs will be slinging C.R.A.P. like there's no tomorrow.
Once a ref has taken all the C.R.A.P. they can, those full of C.R.A.P. and possessing the skills necessary for B.U.L.L.C.R.A.P., will understand the need for refs to help the players understand that the rules were meant to be followed. The NWOPPL rules are very strict and must be enforced. This cannot happen without player participation. The refs in question (those completely full of C.R.A.P.) will be placed in a program where they will earn their SPECIAL TRAINING (for) UNDERSTANDING PLAYER INDIFFERENCE DEGREE. (S.T.U.P.I.D.C.R.A.P.) Players must always understand they must take C.R.A.P. from the NWOPPL refs.
The C.R.A.P. won't stop there! We have C.R.A.P coming out of our ears! Once refs can hand out S.T.U.P.I.D.C.R.A.P. to the players, they will be at the next level. The ref must learn by their mistakes, or all this C.R.A.P. is for nothing. This is why the NWOPPL has established the ULTIMATE SELF EVALUATION LEARNING (and) EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM SCHOOL (U.S.E.L.E.S.S.C.R.A.P.). As far as we're concerned, the entire NWOPPL organization is based solely on U.S.E.L.E.S.S.C.R.A.P.!
To guarantee that our reffing staff is totally impartial, refs will also be enroled in FULLY UNRESTRICTED LESSONS (in) LEARNING OBJECTIVITY FUNDAMENTALS (F.U.L.L.O.F.C.R.A.P.)
All of this will proceed as soon as we can get our C.R.A.P. together.
Thank you for helping the NWOPPL be as full of C.R.A.P. as we are today.
NWOPPL Home Office.
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