Play kiltball! As you can see, many players are not afraid to play in a kilt.
INTRODUCTION
I've been playing since 1984. I've been writing for paintball publications since 1993. Since that time I've published two hundred articles. Many players e-mail me with questions on tactics, what marker to buy, what's the best paint and so on.
The most asked question I have received from the thousands of e-mails I get each day is this: "Durty Dan, how do you play paintball in a kilt?" Frankly, I'm surprised that no one has done this type of article before.
Kiltball action at Trippsan Falls Paintball Park
Thousands of players play in kilts. You can't go to a field, tourney, or event without seeing at least a dozen players in kilts. I'm sure you've seen hundreds. In every magazine, every month, there are many pictures of players in kilts. I think it's the single most popular accessory to wear. Take a look at the pictures with this article and you'll see what I mean.
However, playing in a kilt, as you probably know, isn't the same as playing "sissyball" in a pair of pants. (That's what us kilt-wearing players call playing paintball in pants -- "sissyball".) Real men wear kilts.
For those players who want to be cool like the rest of us, you'll need to know a few things before you play "kiltball".
One of the many kilted players at the Los Cucharas Open Invittational Professional Amateurs Tournament. Pictured is the team captain from Team Och! Up yer Kilt, Laddie.
GOING "REGIMENTAL"
Most players wear the tartan of their favourite highland regiment (like the most popular 3,895,214th the Queen's Own Royal Guards Light Infantry Grenadiers Highland Regiment). Those of you who wear military tartan kilts know that you must wear it in the "regimental" style. That is to say -- NO UNDERWEAR. This can pose unique problems.
TIPS
NO CRAWLING
The best way to play wearing a kilt is on your feet. None of your teammates behind you want to see up your kilt as you're snaking over a log or a small hillock.
WATCH WHERE YOU CROUCH
Not all fields trim the undergrowth all the way to the ground. Fallen branches and twigs have a way of sticking up at the most inopportune time. I won't even get into what happens when you encounter poison ivy or stinging nettles. Ouch! :(
This player is "regimental". Note that he's not crouching.
KEEP YOUR KNEES TOGETHER
If you are going to crouch, I suggest you keep your knees together. You don't want incoming paint going up THERE.
Many top level tournament teams play in kilts. This is Lob Bong of Team Irontoast.
STAY OUT OF THE THORNS
Yeah, the other players are sissies, but bleeding to death from a thousand thorn scratches on your bare legs is not the way to go. I mean, it's peaceful because you'll pass out long before you expire, but it's only going to ruin our low injury statistics.
GET A SPORRAN
A sporran is the leather pouch that is worn in from of the kilt. Not only is this a good place for cable squeegees, barrel plugs and other goodies but it also holds the front of the kilt down and stops you from inadvertently "flashing" people when you're sitting down in the staging area.
This photo clearly shows the sporran.
ACCESSORIES
New out this year is the Durty Dan Paintball Sporran. It is designed for stock class paintball, which most kilt-wearing players play. It holds ten tubes and ten 12-grams for easy access.
CONCLUSION
There you have it, the answers you've all been waiting for. Have fun and happy kiltballing!
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