Surrealist Paintball
One weird game, man.
Murphy's Laws of Paintball -- According to Durty Dan
As far as I'm concerned, Murphy must have played paintball.
How to Play in a Kilt
I've been playing in a kilt for some time now, just some friendly and essential tips I picked up along the way.
Curse You, Little Paintball
A poem.
Durty Dan's Great Historical Moments in Paintball
Paintball throughout the ages.
Durty Dan's Daffy Definitions
My version of some familiar paintball terms.
Paintball Jokes
I got a million of them. Some of them are even funny!
Durty Dan's Key Indicators
Are you the worst player on your team? The best? How do you know if you have bad paint? What about fields, tournies and other stuff? Here are some key indicators to let you stay ahead of the situation.
Practical Jokes for Paintball
Don't try these on the humour-challenged . . . or anyone who can beat the crap out of you.
Saving Money
Some handy tips to help save you money. Don't do any of them!
Ten Paintball Mishaps
It's not a complete day of paintball until . . .
How to Tell Paintball War Stories
How can you tell when a paintball player is lying about his prowess on the field? His lips are moving.
Politically Correct Paintball Terms
No more winners or losers, no more segregation between refs and players. Can't we all just get along?
When I Started Playing Paintball . . .
You young wipper-snappers don't know how good you got it.
Paintball Conspiracies Page
Paintball conspiracies revealed by an industry insider!
Why Paintball is so Popular
This is intended for mature audiences only. If your parents catch you reading this, it's nobody's fault but yours.
Three Dumb Refs
A song parody sung to the tune of "Three Blind Mice".
The Difference Between a Cool Player and a Weenie
The title pretty much sums it up.
A Secret Report
The new tournament circuit!
My Goggles Will Fog
A song parody sung to the tune of "Home on the Range".
Hosing
The tactical alternative.
How Much is That Semi in the Window?
A song parody sung to the tune of "How Much is that Doggy in the Window?".
Intergalactic Explorer's Guild Report on Paintball
An alien perspective on the Game.
Jingle Bells (Balls?)
A Christmas paintball song.
Paintball Limericks
A small collection of my paintball limericks.
Reffin' like a Madman
A song parody sung to the tune of "Takin' Care of Business", with apologies to Bachman Turner Overdrive. (If any of them are still around, that is.)
My Paintgun
An ode to my one true object of affection.
The Ten Phases of a Failed Event
As experienced by both organizers and participants.
I Play Semi/I Play Stock
Another little song.
This Paint is Crap
As you can see, I have a fixation on lousy paint.
Whirring, Whirring Little Feeder
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, reborn.
The Teammate
Read the poem, you'll know somebody that fits, I'm sure.
Talkin' Trash
How to talk trash like the Pros do.
Shoot the Squids
A little ditty for all you Newbie Bashers out there.
She'll Be . . .
She'll be doing more than just "Coming 'Round the Mountain".
If Shakespeare Played Paintball
Forsooth and gadzooks!
Shot Classes
Every shot you've ever taken falls neatly into one of ten categories.
Durty Dan's Polite Responses
Sometimes, it's best not to talk trash. Learn the codes I use.
the Adventures of Sidd and Kidd
A collection of cartoons published in Paintball Sports International.
All of the articles in the website Durty Dan's Paintball Information Services are free to use for webpages, school projects, reference and to promote paintball to players and the non-playing public. Credit for the source of the information should be included in the bibliography or references page.
© Durty Dan Enterprises 2000. All rights reserved. All works contained herein are under copyright of the author Durty Dan. While the Terms of Use are broad they do not include the right to republish this work in any publication (hardcopy or electronic) for the purposes of personal financial gain.
