You also can’t just go off and spew insults at the person. That’s not in keeping with the spirit of Rec-Ball. So how can you have the best of both worlds? It’s easy, just use the examples I have listed below. In fact, they can become kind of a code, and if everyone in your group uses them and knows the actual translation, it can be a great source of entertainment as well. I will list what you should say, and then provide the exact translation in parenthesis
INCOMPETENT REFEREE STAFF
- I believe the ref who made the call may be misinformed. (That ref has his head up his butt.)
- I see what you mean. (You’re a goof; a big, fat, stupid goof.)
- You have a very good point, sir. (Shut that festering hole you call a mouth, you’re as dumb as a bag of mice.)
- I can see you effectively use the fine training given to you by NAPRA. (Where’d you get that NAPRA patch, you steal it from a QUALIFIED ref?)
- I agree totally. (You’re absolutely delusional, you know that?)
- I have no problem with that decision. (What are you BLIND as well as stupid?)
- Perhaps you should discuss this with my group organizer/team captain. (Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.)
COMPLAINTS WITH THE MANAGEMENT
- These prices are very reasonable. (You’re a money grubbing weasel.)
- This is a unique colour of paint. (This paint sucks.)
- I love a challenge. (This field sucks.)
- I find this game format very interesting. (This game sucks.)
- Could I have a set a camouflage that fits me better? (Take these back, and next time try to remember to delouse these things before you give them a customer. Have you not heard of laundry detergent?)
- This rental marker is in excellent shape, but I prefer to use the one my friend has decided to loan me. (This marker is better off being used as a boat anchor.)
- Could I have another pair of goggles? The lenses are scratched in these ones. (These goggles smell like something died in them.)
- The group would rather play on the other field. (If you put us in that swamp again, I swear I’ll come back some night and burn this place to the ground.)
- No, I’m just tired, I was up late last night. (I’ve packed up my gear because I can’t take any more of your incompetence, price gouging, moronic staff or the fact that you have the audacity to call a pop and two bags of chips 'lunch’ and actually charge an extra ten dollars for it.)
- I can’t remember when I’ve had a more pleasurable paintball experience. (I will NEVER cast my shadow on this field again. If anyone I know ever comes here, and that includes family, I will never speak to them again, just out of principle.)
TEAMMATES
- Perhaps I didn’t make the plan clear enough. (You couldn’t pour water out of a rubber boot if the instructions were on the heel. You’re about as sharp as a sack of wet leather.)
- I really need you to defend the flag and watch our backs. (Don’t even bother leaving the flag station, and if the opposition comes along, just GIVE them the flag. You’re as useless as a kick-stand on a tank.)
- I admire your attitude, winning doesn’t matter to you. (Are you even TRYING?)
- You’re the best man for the job. (If you stay out of the way, it will be better for all concerned.)
- Sometimes luck just isn’t on your side. (I can’t believe that newbie eliminated you for the fourth game in a row. How long have you been playing?)
- It’s not ANYONE’S fault. (We lost and it was because of YOU.)
- We want you to lead the assault. (We’re tired of you shooting us in the back.)
- Think of the money you’re saving on paint. (What do you mean you only lasted the first three minutes of the game, again?)
- I think something’s wrong with your marker. (You couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a banjo. You’d be better off THROWING paintballs at them.)
- You’re a valuable member of the team. (It would be the same, whether you played or not.)
GENERAL REMARKS - FOR ALL OCCASIONS
- I don’t think you understand. (Dig the crap out of your ears.)
- That’s an interesting observation. (Did your mother drop you on your head, when you were a child?)
- I couldn’t agree more. (Blow it out your ear.)
- Thank you. (Eat crap!)
- Thank you, very much. (Eat crap and die!)
- Thank you, very much, sir. (Eat crap and die, you donkey’s behind!)
- How nice. How very, very nice. (That’s the most insipid and inane thing I have ever heard come out of anyone’s mouth. I’m amazed you have made it through life this far, operating on only a brain stem. Are you even FROM this planet?)
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